The five food groups are the basis for all the control we share as mates. Finances and Free Time are the big two. With these two you have the bulk of control.
The 5 food groups
Controlling attributes of a relationship is how people lead. The 3 key parts of leadership are influence, management, and control. Whether you negotiate each time, make a plan and stick to it or have more controlling process, these 5 things will be done and getting/giving up control of them and possible others is what FLR is about. In male dominated traditional Christian relations the man is the head, the women is submitted to him as she would be to Christ. Head is another word for leader, and submitted is another word for giving up control. The reverse of FLR has been part of our culture for 2,000 years.
The big two (finances and free time) is what you should negotiate to control in a level 2 FLR. Your negotiation will have limits and likely not make you an autonomous leader with final authority. It is too much to expect but you can exert a great deal of control with his free time, get the benefits of help around the house and have more security because you are leading finances. Level 2 is not deep enough of a commitment on your part to expect full control of the big two. As you negotiate more, you move closer to level 3.
Once again full control does not mean he does not participate or does not have a vote or even a veto, it does mean you have final approval/authority to make dead locked decisions. You of course are free to negotiate full control so your word is law even if you are amenable to his participation in decision making. You have the reigns because you control all 5 food groups. You want him to remain the aggressor in sex, done!, you want him to shave and shower before bed, done! You can stop him from internet porn, masturbation, sexual fantasies (aside from those you are using to keep him interested), any other bad habit. He can go to counseling to figure out why he has feelings of failure (supposing he does), you can send him back to school, get him to rest more, help him lose weight and on and on. You can micro manage if you have the energy or set an agenda and guide.
The 5 food groups
- Finances - Financial control has long been the domain of men, it is ultimate control of a relationship when a mate has no control they find it difficult to impossible to invoke change, take care of themselves or leave.
- Free Time - Time doing what you want comes after the decision to make time for others, time together, time apart, time for our common interests, time with friends -- all take away from our free time. Free time also includes decisions we make for our time that take an effort -- will he put the toilet seat down or clean up his socks; will she? It takes time to take the garbage out. His choices affect you, if you feel you must do something because he did not.
- Household Chores - if you have a maid, a gardener and a handy man then this just got easier but if not there is a lot of work to keeping a house going. There is laundry, shopping for food and sundries, taking the trash out. If you control time you likely also control chores because they can be added to a schedule and you can train someone to do it as you would. Management 101 - delegation of responsibility.
- Life Direction - A decision to move, improve one's education, have children, take on renting borders, make or leave friendships. Of course this takes time so one can control it with free time such as spend your free time in class improving our education. There is also the personal/spiritual/cultural/sexual direction of a person's life.
- Sex - We all want spontaneous sex but most of us have it at night in our bedrooms and it is likely something you have done before. Control of sex can mean yes or no, what and when, how, who, how much or how hard. Sex takes time too so controlling time is key to controlling sex.
Controlling attributes of a relationship is how people lead. The 3 key parts of leadership are influence, management, and control. Whether you negotiate each time, make a plan and stick to it or have more controlling process, these 5 things will be done and getting/giving up control of them and possible others is what FLR is about. In male dominated traditional Christian relations the man is the head, the women is submitted to him as she would be to Christ. Head is another word for leader, and submitted is another word for giving up control. The reverse of FLR has been part of our culture for 2,000 years.
The big two (finances and free time) is what you should negotiate to control in a level 2 FLR. Your negotiation will have limits and likely not make you an autonomous leader with final authority. It is too much to expect but you can exert a great deal of control with his free time, get the benefits of help around the house and have more security because you are leading finances. Level 2 is not deep enough of a commitment on your part to expect full control of the big two. As you negotiate more, you move closer to level 3.
Once again full control does not mean he does not participate or does not have a vote or even a veto, it does mean you have final approval/authority to make dead locked decisions. You of course are free to negotiate full control so your word is law even if you are amenable to his participation in decision making. You have the reigns because you control all 5 food groups. You want him to remain the aggressor in sex, done!, you want him to shave and shower before bed, done! You can stop him from internet porn, masturbation, sexual fantasies (aside from those you are using to keep him interested), any other bad habit. He can go to counseling to figure out why he has feelings of failure (supposing he does), you can send him back to school, get him to rest more, help him lose weight and on and on. You can micro manage if you have the energy or set an agenda and guide.
